My
attention was arrested by a kite-surfer as he harnessed the pure energy of the
fierce wind. The kiter flew to a curling
wave, dropped in, carved up and down the face, and then soared up and out. He escaped back into the sky as the wave
slammed shut, the curtain closed. Envy
pumped through my veins as I got pummeled by the volatile whitewater from a
wave. I paddled and duck dived to
survive in the hectic blown-out surf. I
wished I could fly to any wave like the kite-boarders, and then escape the brunt
of the waves’ explosion. Instead, I
fought with the ocean and grew fatigued working hard for every wave I
rode. I collapsed on the beach and
stared at the superhero-like kiters who decorated the sky and sea on the
horizon; entranced and intrigued. I wasn’t
content to stay on the sidelines watching for long.
The
kite danced through the sky as I grasped the handle and guided it above my
head. The sun stung my eyes, and I was
careful not to make any sudden big movements. I was learning to kitesurf, and learning to
manage the power of the mighty wind. I
had learned how to generate power by lowering the kite into the power window
and then moving it in a figure eight.
A
kiter glided over the water and launched 40 feet into air and then did a
complete flip before landing smoothly. I
watched, jealous it would be ages before I could launch myself like that. A strong gust of wind blew and tugged at my
kite. Suddenly, the kite was alive in
the power zone, and as I kept the figure eight pattern, the kite powered up and
pulled me out into the water. I sailed
over the water and instinctually pulled the handle toward myself wanting to
stop and regain control. This did the
opposite of what I wanted to accomplish, and the kite powered up more and
pulled me harder until I slammed down face first into the water. Finally I surrendered and let go of the
handle. I was released from the power
and the kite fell from the air to the river.
Romans 5:3-4, “We can
rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are
good for us- they help us learn to endure.
And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens
our confident expectation of salvation.”
While I knew to release the power I was supposed to let go, in the most crucial moment I pulled the handle towards me to try to regain control. However that was the worst thing I could do. I was embarrassed and frustrated, because even though I knew not to pull in and power up, I did it anyway.
I
sat on the shore recovering from the high speed face plant, and realized how
much this lesson related to my life and greater issues with control. Sometimes I want something so much, that I
hold on to it too tight, or I try to manipulate situations to get my way. Usually the more I try to control the
situation or try to get what I want, I become frustrated because I am reaching
and pulling in my own power. I realize
that the more I put my hands on it, the more disappointed I get when things
don’t go the way I want. After I am
exhausted and discouraged from trying to do things in my own power, I realize I
need to rest in the promises of the Lord- that he has a perfect plan and
perfect timing. All I need to do is
relinquish the control and power I think I have and just let go.
“Be still and know that I am
God.” – Psalm 46:10
God
is always in control, and His plans will always prevail. Even knowing this, sometimes the hardest
thing to do is just be still. With
clenched hands I try to grasp what I think I need or want. I am learning over and over again to let go
and submit to what God wants. When I
open my hands in surrender that he knows what is best for me, I find rest, the
deepest freedom, and peace. And it is
only with open hands I am open to receive all that he has for me.